The “Should” Factor
Having a good old “should” drives us, gets us off the couch, and gets us to achieve things.
Achieving things are ‘good’. So “should-ing” must be useful!?
Or so we have ourselves believe!
I should make more time to exercise
I should have more energy
I should lose weight
I should spend less time on technology
I should spend more time with the kids
I should have (insert material goods here)
I should be good
I should be a better mum/dad/partner
And therein lies the problem with the old “should”. It all boils down to the same should. “I should be better!”
Better than who I am now, better than what I’m doing, better than what I’ve done in the past. The signal we give our physiology with that thought pattern is that what we are doing now just isn’t good enough. We “should” be doing something else.
When we “should” ourselves, we beat ourselves up for who we actually are and what our life is truly representing.
“Shoulding” takes us away from our connection with our-self and super-imposes someone else’s belief into our life. Whenever we use the word “should” we have either injected someone else’s authority as the guide in our life, or we are comparing our life to a fantasy of what we think it “should” be. Both will illicit a feedback system that we will label as beating ourselves up – a feedback mechanism that is there to bring us back to our more authentic selves and be grateful for who we are.
It was great recently to run a workshop, taking a group of clients from OHE looking at what really is true for them individually. This helped them define their personal truth, what truly had meaning in their life, not what they believed they “should” be.
Participants then wrote down a “should” that was causing a stress in their life. We shifted and cleared the stress of the neuro emotional complex (the body holding onto the emotional charge) using the Neuro Emotional Technique we use everyday in practice. www.netmindbody.com
We finished off by looking at balancing our perceptions around stress and our “shoulds” using an applied psychology technique called the Demartini Method*
The result of which is more clarity around what our true drives are, what intrinsically motivates us, and more gratitude for who we actually are, not who we “should” be.
When we are being true to ourselves, grateful for who we are and doing something we value, our self-worth and confidence goes up. Our wellbeing improves.
When we don’t do something that we keep thinking we “should” be doing our self-worth goes down, we stay under chronic stress and our well-being decreases.
How do we know we are doing something that we value and are being true to ourselves?
If we are unsure this can be found out by asking a specific set of questions, and also being aware of the language we use. Look at where we use the words, “like to”, “choose to”, or “love to”. These words create a very different physiological response than “should”.
I am running another workshop this Saturday June 20th, information below. Spaces are limited, if you’re interested in attending please contact the Front Desk team on 02 9999 1680 or e-mail me at email@example.com
Workshop. This Saturday!
Whats are your truths and how this effects your health, Clear the emotion, Energising gentle Yin yoga
What you’ll get from the workshop:
- An Understanding of what drives your emotions and stress response.
- More direction , deeper appreciation and greater value for future NET sessions
What are your own personal truths, what has worth and meaning in your life and how to communicate that.
- Mind/body stress reduction using NeuroEmotional Technique .
- Balancing perceptions around an original stress, the start of the conditioning process using the Demartini Method* (this is a real game changer)
- Specific yin yoga in a group to connect to your greater self (a powerful practice to in-grain the proceeding steps)
- A chance to be in a group of like minded individuals, (you’ll realise we all have our “stuff”) which more often than not leads to greater personal insights.
When: This Saturday at OHE (next door in the yoga studio) the 20th of June from 12pm until 4pm
The yin yoga routine at the end will be led by the amazing instructor Prue from Zen Collective in Brookvale. The reason why I’m bringing yoga in is because not only do I find it amazing for myself, but it’s a really powerful way to connect to our body, to our true selves, helping us get out of our analysing head. Bringing in more yin energy in our life helps balance our overactive yang ‘go go go’ routine.
We will also have some group interaction so when it comes to the end task we won’t be so distracted and you have a better chance of really clearing some long held emotional beliefs.
Ive managed to keep the fee down to three combined N.E.T sessions ($287) for the 4 hours, and I have certainty you’ll really get value out of it. More clarity, Amazing insights about yourself, Less stress – by dissolving it, not by covering it up, Greater heart felt connection with yourself
Dr Aaron Roughan Bsc (psych) B.Chiro,
Chiropractor,Applied Kinesologist, NeuroEmotional Technique, Trained Demartini Facilitator
*The Demartini Method is a scientific process that balances perceptions and emotions. It is being used professionally by many psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, educators, consultants and health professionals across the world. The Demartini Method is a tool with a 1000 uses for empowering and inspiring life and its applications include reducing stress, resolving conflict and creating new perspectives and paradigms for life. www.drdemartini.com